Self Love is Not Selfish

My friend Candace owns a day spa and has been, for the last 2 years, through the proverbial wringer, in re to:  permitting, contracting issues, city inspections and all the headaches that go with being a small business owner- and she has been burned out of late. I suppose you could call it ironic that someone in the business of helping others relax, de-stress and promote self-care was so stressed and weary herself. I am glad that she is course correcting; her most recent blog post is here.
 It made me think:  Gay or straight, partnered or single, kids or no- doesn't seem to matter. We are all susceptible, no matter our personal circumstances, to the societal pressure to put ourselves last. Women can be, and are often expected to be, masters of the art of self-denial, putting everyone else's needs first. Traditionally, women have been assigned the caretaker role, both in society and in the family dynamic.  There is a murkier, slightly sinister issue at play here also: the amazing convenience and "coincidence" of having one entire gender being the unselfish, caretaking, more nurturing half, and there is a huge assumption in conventional wisdom that there is a genetic predisposition to do so.  While there is certainly a degree of satisfaction in being a nurturer, it is crucial that we also nurture ourselves. 


Self love = self respect and self esteem. Not as easy to do as you might think- but we must care for ourselves to continue to care for others in our lives. We need to be able to take ourselves from THIS:

to THIS: 

as often as we possibly can.